my happy place

  i'm dreaming of my happy place.  a place in my mind, my almost subconscious mind, a place i go to when i am anxious, having a panic attack, or just need to relax and cheer myself up with happy thoughts.  a technique i learned from listening to some self-hypnosis cd's that helped me during labor and childbirth a few years back... you imagine this place, perhaps a very real place that you've actually been to before, or perhaps just an imaginary place.  but it's a wonderful, beautiful, peaceful place where you are totally relaxed and at peace.  your whole being can let go and drift in a wonderful state of pain-free relaxation and peace when you are here.

my place was a very real place, a deserted beach near the town of montecristi in the dominican republic.  to get there you had to hire a "motoconcho" driver from the small town to drive you there on the back of his little motor scooter taxi that sounded like an annoying mosquito, felt every bump on the beat-up dirt roads out there, yet were kept employed all day long, even by entire families all at once, like this:



well it was just me that day.  ready for a day of solo adventuring in this tiny, poor fishing village before i took a bus back to the inland town in the mountains where i was teaching at a small school.

 (photo taken in an unrelated touristy town, not the off-the-map little place i'm talking about here..)

i hired the guy to drive me out to this pearl of a perfect beach, and to come back and get me a few hours later.  i had my hiking boots on, my swim suit beneath my clothes, and a backpack with some of my favorite dominican coconut muffin-ish pastries and a carton of orange juice. and bananas. (maybe an apple, too, as i see it in my photos.)  had the most awesome time hiking the mountains, climbing to the peak, where i could see all the beautiful 7 islands stretched out in the distance, a few miles out.


  i was at the top of the world, seriously.  best moment of my life.  solo, independent, accomplishing goals, discovering the most beautiful places i'd ever been. all. by. myself.  such a beautiful time of communion with the Lord i had that day.  celebrating my  victorious discoveries as i ate my picnic lunch down on that private beach.  oh it was sweet.

this place was completely deserted. not a soul, just me.

a little scary, weird at first, these huge mountain cliffs looming above me, waves crashing, nothing but deep waters in front of me as far as i could see.

but oh the bliss of being totally ALONE in such a magnificent awesome place!!!

wow!  just reveling in the beauty of God's untouched creation...mmmm, so good.

i eventually had to leave, of course, when my driver came back to pick me up. but i'll never forget that place, and i use it often, the picture of it in my mind, when i need to escape to a place of spiritual peace.

 sometimes, though, like recently, it becomes a picture of where i need to be in my current journey.  and getting there has become more of a struggle as i go through some difficult things.  i find myself in a battle between fighting to get there or just surrendering and allowing the Lord to carry me there.

                              From a distance, it seems impossible.  so far away.
                                         just a mountain top in the distance.

                                               with a long hike of dry desert...

...prickly cactuses and scratchy shrubs to walk through...

                                     and steep, steep mountain slopes to conquer.

It's not a safe journey, as this shrine reminds us..some have lost their lives traveling this unprotected terrain..

                              ..my fears of the unknown lurk at every turn in the dusty path.

                                           

If only i could just swim there, i would.  submerge myself, go unnoticed, and just paddle in the silent deep blue... no worries of the difficult paths overhead, just follow the intuition of the whales and the sea turtles that instinctively know which way to swim, year after year.

but i'm no marine animal, unfortunately.  not a mermaid.  so i must treck this on land.

But the good news is... as i get further along, i can look back, and see how far i've come..

the distance i've already covered, the heights i've reached.

And from this higher perspective, i can begin to see it, the slight hint of a path, a road that i must follow.

                             higher still, to a mountain peak a little out of the way, but i climb it anyway, just to figure out my bearings.  glad to have my hiking boots on.  it's at that peak, where i have my "a-ha!" moment, where i see the paths from a distance, and it's all so much clearer.  Like when you stop what you're doing, pull yourself away, come to a deserted place with Jesus.  just sit at His feet and pour out your heart to Him...and He begins to show you the way.  not all at once, but just enough light and guidance to get you to the next step or two.

       I finally reach the road to the beach i'm after.  so glad to be here.  my happy place.
now happy places in the real, physical world...they may change, of course.  our journeys take us to many places.  but there's that spiritual happy place, that place where i'm at peace with my life, living completely authentically from my heart, honestly and compassionately...that is where i am journeying to in this season.  it's so hard to put into words, so i'll be expressing more of this in my art, even tonight, as i attend another of my "intuitive painting" workshops.  such a great way to spend a friday evening.  hope to share some of my results with you soon, here or at http://www.jennerositycreates.blogspot.com.    happy trails, y'all!!

(p.s. these photos were almost totally completely from my own collection, my pre-digital age photos that i copied with my phone just this morning!)